There was this slight sense of the exhaustion of all sanity, this vague separation from reality. Steady. Vague but steady. Thus, as the mosquito draws blood, so does the madness settle itself comfortably in my mind’s caverns.
And only in the earliest hours of the morning, when I’ve found myself stretched thin, do I see myself in the mirror that doesn't exist and hear the dreamy echoes of pretty girls perpetually of the broken heart party, drifting about the bed sheets.
Roll my head through the sheets and I hear the suffering of those girls. Unfortunate in that they were just short of beautiful and so untouched by the qualities of evil.
The room draws itself about me, demons sardonically glare (playing cards?), and the lights peeking in shines cold, denies me even sweat. And everything seems slowly to wrap around and then rapidly extend and pass in thin progressions, slowly, then suddenly, and shifting it collects about me and through me.
Images of great and vibrant intensity bubble forth. The future and the past. Dimensions upon dimensions.
And, driven mad, I’ve realized I’ve failed to involve myself in the young fury with which so many of my generation conduct themselves. Young fury rich with their debauchery, pretty faces allowed whole worlds of fancy.
Rich with their boldness, rich with their drunkardness, languid with their intoxicating sex, languid with their scantliy clad treasure troves, staring with muted hostility The flash making them glamorous in the lens under black and white, their hair tumbling every which way. Its here and there that I’ve failed. Haven’t been cruel enough or ruthless enough. Haven’t been rough enough.
I’ve come to realize that it is my moral duty and obligation to pursue this young fury and exercise a new boldness. To be selfish in the pursuit of what shall surely be for the betterment of mine own health and spiritual well being.
Disdain for lust and sin be damned, if there is a god to be chosen I’ll take the side of that which manufactures pleasure.
In this spirit I shall move forward and in this vein I shall live.